The Guilt of Doing Less

Here is the sentence that will change your life.

‘It is OK not to be busy.’

I know. This statement can feel quite confronting. Society has created an unrealistic expectation of living a successful life. So much so, we have been reduced to the small silver ball at the end of a pendulum as these expectations have us swinging back and forth, going nowhere in dizzying fashion.

This constant state of motion is dangerous. We live in an age where our health is adversely impacted by the way we live our lives. Yet, we find ourselves held captive by this destructive mindset.

We are often told (by the mysterious ‘they’) that, “…in order to be living a meaningful life we need to be engaged in constant forms of activity that will enhance our existence.”–  The Mysterious They.

“Attend that event; hike that track; run that marathon; call that friend; like that post; post that photo; buy that thing.”

It does not end there. Our internal voice is also guilty of perpetuating the constant need to attain this false idealist life.

“Do more; want more; own more; give more; love more; help more; achieve more; earn more; be more.”

Taking part in meaningful pursuits is not the problem. The problem presents when the ‘doing’ becomes all consuming, with any suggestion to the contrary ladened with overwhelming feelings of guilt.

So, why do we feel guilty?

I am sure you have experienced this, in some form or another, the dreaded unexplained guilt of doing less than desired. This guilty feeling, also expressed as ‘productivity guilt’ is the negative feeling that emerges when we are not engaged in creative, productive or action-orientated activities. As social beings we want to feel connected and valued. It is this desire that propels us into the narrative society has written, ready to take on the starring role.

Don’t get me wrong, guilt is not entirely a bad thing. There is a healthy amount of guilt that one will experience throughout their lifetime. However, the persistent nagging feeling of guilt can lead to negative outcomes.

How you can shift the guilt

“Most people tend to feel guilty even if they haven’t done anything wrong because they have higher expectations for themselves. They somehow feel that they’re letting themselves down when they don’t meet those expectations.” —Thea Gallagher, PsyD

1. Link your actions to your values – When you are clear and confident with your personal value system, then your actions, when aligned, should eliminate or decrease any feeling of guilt. For example, not stretching yourself to work overtime is absolutely required if you want to spend more time with loved ones, or saying no to some social events is necessary if health is at the top of your list.

You can get clear on your values by asking:
What do I value most?
What is important to me?
What actions will help me live these values?

Once you have these in place, then your actions, or inaction in some cases, should be celebrated not agonised over.

2. Own your choices – This ties in with ‘Link your actions to your values’ because ultimately our lives and how we live them, for the most part, are the choices we make. When in a position to make a decision about how you want to live your life, own it. Feel confident that it is the right decision for you, despite what society, family, and friends may say.

3. Practice Gratitude – Being grateful for things, big and small, can help to combat that guilty feeling. Are you grateful that you are able to focus on what is most important to you? If the answer is yes, then great! Slowing down can and will support that. Viewing life through the lens of gratitude helps us to see decisions, actions, and circumstances in a new light.

The key here is to be grateful that you are in a position to direct and control your life, even if it is only in some small way. It all adds up.

4. Realise that it is ok to look after your own needs – Guilt is a strange phenomenon, and one that you cannot just will away. It takes practice to win in the ultimate battle of emotions when guilt shows up to take a corner in the arena. Let guilt show up, but then practice asking it to step off the platform. You are not doing anything wrong by accepting that you are an important element in your own life. By taking time out or following your own path, you are putting your needs first, and that is absolutely ok. It does not make you a bad person.

To conclude I will quote The Minimalists catchphrase, ‘Less is more’. I like this quote because it highlights that it is ok to do less. By doing less, we will gain a lot more. If a lot more means presence of mind, then hopefully you will not feel as consumed by guilt.

– Subtract to Add